4/2/20
After the first full week of being constantly bombarded with online tales of the the horrors of the Covid 19 pandemic, I went into a full fledged panic attack at my house. As I was settling into the comfort of my own bed, the trembling began at my feet and continued to move upwards until it engulfed my entire torso. My mind raced and I could not stop the images or anxiety ridden thoughts circling inside of my brain. I tried to find comfort lying next to my husband but even he could not give me the words that I needed to hear to stop me from spiraling downward into my dark inner world.
What seemed like an eternity, I forced myself from the bed and knelt beside the bed and stretched my arms open wide and I said,
” Universe, God, Allah, Jesus, Mighty Spirit whatever you are or wherever you are, I surrender this madness to you and I ask you to cover the entire world with your kindness and compassion.
I would like to say that I saw a bright white light engulf my entire room and that I had a sense of peace within myself. That did not happen and I finally got myself to bring myself back into the reality of my darkened place of slumber.
The days that followed have been filled with bouts of anxiety and a sense of impending doom. My last therapy session had to be conducted over the phone and I let my therapist know that I felt that we are in the midst of a global awakening and one of the lessons that we are learning from this pandemic is that we are facing our fear of death.
On the other hand, I am trying to conjure the things in my life that I am grateful for to help me during this crisis. I have 3 beautiful grandchildren and I pray that our world will come together and the old paradigms will crumble.
Everyday each of us wakes up to a new reality and it is up to us to see the world in a negative or a positive light.
Fortunately, have seen countless acts of kindness in my own community. People reaching out to help their neighbors and donating to the local food shelf, giving blood or smiling at a stranger.
Countless social media videos around the world show me how the magic of music blaring from the balconies helps connect people on a deeper level.
This pandemic is like a big reset in each of our lives . We can take the time to be still and to listen to our hearts. What is important? What has to go? How can I realize that my brothers and sisters around the world are a part of me? How can I help the world to become a better place? How can I make my piece of the world be a better place?. Most importantly, how can we ascend to realize that whoever or whatever is looking down upon us is also pulling us up to a new reality.
~ Maria Lamey
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